Understanding Temper Tantrums in Children

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Have you even been in a situation where your child threw a tantrum, whether at home and in public? At home, I would say it is much easier for us to handle it for we are in our own territory. But in public, it is a different situation. Commonly, when a child throws tantrum in public, the parent is being held responsible as to why the child acted such. Children’s attitudes are often associated as to how they were raised which in my opinion, is not always correct.

A tantrum is not simply an attitude. It is a way for a child to express how he feels, in the way he knows best. Children are not like adults who can always easily say how they feel and what they want, so they always end up doing things to get the parents’ attention. Remember that your child is still coping up with different kinds of emotions and they should continue on learning.

Parents, on the other hand, oftentimes feel embarrassed about their children’s behavior and will definitely want to put an end to the act. This does not always help the situation because instead of helping the child feel better, the parent is focused on her environment and not on the child.

During these challenging situations, are there really ways on how parents can deal with tantrums?

My take is not only to handle the tantrum but to understand why the child had such a temper. It is not enough to just try and stop the child from expressing himself. We, as parents need to know the reason behind such actions. Identify the cause and act accordingly. Have you ever asked your child why he is crying? Or why he behaved the way he did? There are different reasons why a child throws tantrums. He can be tired, hungry, sleepy or wants something and can’t get your attention. Understand the situation first and give your child the assurance that you, as their parent will always be there for them with whatever problem they will have.

Imagine the following situations:

[1] You want to do the grocery and it is nap time for your child. However, there is no one for you to leave your child under care. So you get your child and went to the grocery, get your stuffs when suddenly, your child already wants to sleep. But you are still undone with your grocery. Instead of going home, you continued. The child started crying vehemently and is now getting people’s attention. Is this the child’s fault?

This situation clearly tells that a parent should have avoided the situation if she just let the child take his nap and did the grocery later on. The child acting in the grocery wants to sleep but is unable to do so and that is why he is crying. All he wants is to go to bed and take his nap. There are supposedly avoidable situations like this if only the parent is paying enough attention to the child’s need.

[2] You and your child are inside the mall. Your child saw a shop and asked for something you cannot afford at the moment. You told him he can’t get it and he started yelling and crying.

Why did the child cried? Simply because he was told that he can’t get the thing he wants. The parent did not specifically explain to the child why he can’t get it at the moment. These stages are your child’s learning stages, too. If you can’t afford to buy something that your child wants, they need to understand why. If they do, they will be able to understand your situation in the future and they will learn the value that you cannot always buy what you want for there are higher priorities to be taken cared of.

These are just some examples of reasons why children throw tantrum and key, as parents, is to understand the situation first. Do not get overly frustrated about it. Parents need to be calm to be able to act accordingly. The worst thing a parent can do is throw a temper over their child’s tantrum. It is just a way of showing your child that you yourself are not in control so how will you be able to help him?

Now, if you already understand the situation, you can properly handle the tantrum and here are some ways to do so:

1. When in public, try to put your child in safe place. Check the place for things that might injure the child during the tantrum and take them away. This is to ensure that your child will not get hurt.

1. Do not attempt to converse to a child who is in the middle of a tantrum or to physically deal with him. Let him calm down a little, then start talking. Show empathy to your child.

1. Do not reward the tantrum. Giving in to it will only let the child know that he can do with the tantrum next time.

1. When the tantrum is over, discuss the matter to your child. It is very important for them to understand that such misbehavior is not acceptable.

1. Assure your child that you will always be there to help them with their problems so they don’t have to worry because you will always listen. This assurance will always be in their mind and when dealt with the same situation, they will come to you first.

There is relatively no book that can really define each of our child’s behavior. But as parents, it is our duty to learn about them and grow with them so we can understand what they are going through. A tough, challenging but very rewarding job.